I majored in sharing every piece of my soul,
And baring my heart to a self absorbed audience.
They smiled and said wow,
Is it my turn yet?
I watched kids stuff shit into glass vials
And get critical praise for their integrity
And their nerve
While I tore my heart out
And glazed it with my tears.
They monetized on their waste,
While I hoarded my vulnerability.
And now I have a closet
Filled with women
That I recognise as myself,
Beautiful and frightening,
But more importantly
No commercial appeal.
When I watch the news
I see vials of shit
In the background of television sets,
In the queens garden,
On the presidents desk in the oval office
As he addresses america,
Wow they really made it,
The alumni society is writing about them
As notable graduates,
Buy their shit,
And the hoards of freshman
Smell like sulfur as I pass them by,
With notable shit hanging around their necks.
This is America.
This is why I don’t make art any more.
But you can buy my shit.
If my skin were clay and my
Body shaped through my experiences
I’d be dried out and cracking in the sun
And the more I try to shape myself
The more I disintegrate.
Touch me, I’m gritty, I’m hard
But push me and I’ll crumble.
Dusty residue floats in the air on contact
I’m ready for the kiln
So that I’ll never be soft again.
Who am I kidding,
I haven’t been soft in forever.
honestly i applaud all girls who tell gross strange men to f*ck off but dnt feel ashamed if u can’t bring yourself to bc basically you’re taking the chance of “this guy might stab me for this” which is fairly plausible given history + Power dynamics so, like, dnt turn ur nose ^^^ at ppl who have a harder time with that
Oh god, I just looked at my guestbook from my senior show and I’m feeling really bad for not keeping up. I didn’t believe that anyone would like my work, I didn’t believe anyone liked it when I read my guestbook after the show, i never believed anyone who said anything positive to me, but now I’m just consumed with the lovely words from so long ago that I’m overwhelmed with feelings. I just now got it, and I suddenly feel so much regret.